No. We are NOT one big happy family
Describing work cultures as ‘family’ is disingenuous at best, harmful at worst
Leadership teams often agonise for weeks (if not months) over the exact wording for how to describe their workplace culture. And in the end they regularly come up with something like this: If you join us you become ‘part of the family’.
But work is NOT like being part of a family. And neither should it be.
Here are a few ways people have described family…
"Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten." - George Bernard Shaw
"You are born into your family and your family is born into you. No returns. No exchanges." - Elizabeth Berg
“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family.” - Lee Iacocca
Does any of this sound like a good way to describe a work culture?
No. And how could it?
You can’t restructure and downsize your family when times get tough.
You can’t fire your sister for failing to pull her weight with household chores.
Nor can you shout at your boss as you might at a family member in a heated moment and expect to rock up the next day largely without consequence.
We talk a lot about authenticity in leadership, but corporate descriptors that use the words ‘family’ not only feel disingenuous but dangerous because of the unrealistic expectations it places on both sides.
Work is still work. No matter how much you enjoy your job. It’s a contract for a certain period and there will come a time, be it sooner or later, that you will part ways.
Here are five toxic shocks to branding work ‘a family’…
It can lead to exploitation and burnout. Family members rally round to support each other and do ‘whatever it takes’ to get things done. At work this can lead to unrealistic expectations that end in exploitation and/or burnout.
It can lead to poor corporate conduct. Research shows that unwavering loyalty from intense ‘family-like’ emotional bonds can lead to employees keeping quiet in the case of corporate wrongdoing. There’s a great article by Saera Khan and Lauren Howe in HBR featuring numerous studies evidencing this.¹
Those who move on are ostracised. ‘What are they thinking?’ was a headline when Emily Maitlis and Jon Sopel left the BBC to start the News Agents podcast. This captures how colleagues often respond to news that someone is ‘leaving the family’. You can be branded a fool, a traitor, or both.
It can lead to a sense of betrayal when your company decides something you disagree with. Just take UK retailer John Lewis’ Chair announcing she’s considering a move away from its 100% partnership business model – your company needn’t be publicly listed for its people to feel an acute sense of betrayal.
It gives a false sense of security. No employer can guarantee lifetime employment. Even those who worked 30+ years for British fashion zeitgeist, Laura Ashley, who self-described the culture as family-like, sadly had no say after her death in the sale and eventual demise of the business. To the bewilderment of many it led to the loss of 2,700 jobs.
If not family, then what?
Of course, who doesn’t want a great boss, interesting work, and an environment that’s kind, fair, and fun? But there’s a stark difference between a family culture and a great work culture.
“Setting clear professional boundaries at work is important.” says Liebfrog’s Managing Director, Karin Mueller.
“That doesn’t mean being unkind. Decency is critical in the workplace,” Karin continues, “but first and foremost you are colleagues. If you happen to be friends too that’s great, but you will never be family. And you should never be family. Because some day, someone will walk away.”
But if the work analogy doesn’t work, then what does?
Maybe we don’t need to look too far and stick with the good old concept of ‘team’! Led well a team can be a place that fosters a sense of belonging while keeping professional boundaries intact, enabling high performance and increasing an organisation’s innovation, productivity, and profit.
In their 2014 HBR article on Organizational Culture, Hoffman, Casnocha, and Yeh set out why ‘business is far more like a sports team than a family’. And while they offer some compelling reasons for why this is a much better fit, they concede even this ‘isn’t the perfect analogy’.²
Every company’s culture is unique. Every company understandably wants to differentiate itself through its purpose, vision, and culture to attract and retain the best and brightest talent.
But muddying the waters between personal and professional, between family and business, might ultimately be hurting rather than helping.
Agree? Disagree? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
References:
¹ Saera Khan and Lauren Howe, ‘When work feels like family, employees keep quiet about wrongdoing’, in Harvard Business Review, 22 December 2020.
² Reid Hoffman, Ben Casnocha, and Chris Yeh, ‘Your Company is Not a Family’ in Harvard Business Review, 17 June 2014.